20 October 2006 @5:36 PM
he had changed me alot...he had taught me alot...
he is always surrounded by other ppl...i would nv see him the moment he reach the sch..as he is short and ppl who surround him are tall..he is being camouflage..at the same time oustanding..
even though he is consider a good guy or at least a guy who ppl could joke with..but i hate talking to him...
toking to him makes me feel stress as he is experience in life, he had seen the world, he knows ppl motive by every small movement tt the person make...all this experience he had gain in his life and lesson that he had been through...he tell us...lessons that he had learnt in life he tell us as a warning...he wants to make sure that ppl ard him would not walk the same way..and because of this toking to him makes me feel stress...sumtyms makes me feel naive
i want to leave him..but i couldn't...
i wonder how he think of me...i asked him b4 but his answer is no comment...maybe is i sensitive i still feel that he dislike me but he dun say it out...he is the kind of person who dun anyhow say things as he is scare that ppl who sabo him again..and so he warn me not to anyhow tell ppl thing...sum of the thing just keep it in mind...just becuase of this sentence "dun anyhow tell ppl things it might be an disadvantage'' makes me feel uneasy for the whole day..
sum of his words actually makes me feel scare...makes me think of what i had done..and is it rite or wrong...many things that i wish him to know but dunnoe how to tell him...in the past i had even set my mind that i dun want to tok to him anymore unless i had IMPORTANT
question ask and doubt to clear...
sum of his action or decision hurts me but then i nv ever told him b4 him...one of his decision on one of the sat nite in sep had actually hurt me alot only one of my fren knows abt this... she tried to consol me but no use as the hurt is simply too deep...nth could changed the past....
as the tym flys i feel more and more uneasy being with him...i find it uneasy to tok to him face to face, i find it uneasy to sit with him...i had tried to avoid him but i couldn't , there is no way for me to avoid...
there is alot of things i had kept in my heart and no bodys knows it...i want to let ppl know abt it but i dunnoe how to tell them...he seem to be the only topic between sum of my frens...sumtyms when my fren toks abt him i feel jealous and sad...but they will nv noe cause i would just hide it i would keep quiet abt it...
haix...if i had not known him i would feel more relax.
because of him my life is full so sadness and uneasy...everytym i see him, everytym when i am with him...all his actions is actuallybreaking my heart...is just that he dun noe...to him what he did in front of me is maybe nth but to me...is just like a knife which cuts through my heart...everytym when i see him i was wondering what makes him attractive when he doesn't haf the look, is it his talent that attracts me or is it his body build that attracts me? after knowing him i feel that i had changed, i dun noe what is the changes but all i know is am more unhappy...i dun tend to tell my frens abt my things that much not even dare to tell other ppl that i like him...i couldn't laugh anymore at least not from the bottom of my heart...i wonder did any one seen through me for not laughing from the bottom of my heart...in my laughter there is sadness but did any one notice? if were to say i am attracted by his body build or talent, i suppose i wouldn't like him anymore as he has been hurting me everytym..isn't it? but y..i still like him...y is it that i could feel that my love towards him so different compared to other ppl who i loved b4? i just get to noe him not long...not longer then four months..but yet it seems that i fall so deep for him...and now i feel like getting out of it but i couldn't...
i hate it...i really hate it...i hate myself for liking him...he knows that i like him but does he know that all his actions hurts me...does he? do i nid to tell him to let him know that he is hurting me? or do i just leave it alone? when i dun msg him.dun chat with him. dun call him ...when i decided to give him up..when i decided to forget abt him he called me he tok to me....is this signs that i am fated not able to forget him? or what?
one day...he found that i feel lonely he found that i am always the most left out among my frens...he came to consol me...he told me that he knew that i am lonely he asked me to believe him that he would be there when i nid sumone to hear my sorrow but i couldn't, he say is his promise i replied him fine okay i will believe...etc... but in my heart i dun..i dun believe him at all...is so hard for me to believe....even after he said tt to me i dun see any improvment of concern and so on from him to me..as i expected he wouldn't be by my side to listen to me...to lessen my sorrow in my life...in fact he adds on...i am glad that i nv believe in the first place...or not i would feel even more hurt....i wonder how long do i still nid to suffer like this? without him i couldn't reach my goal...
why...why is it that the god had let me met him? and allowing him to hurt me in this way...and i couldn't get out of it...why..why is that he is being sent to him or met him in the way that i couldn't avoid him and why is it that he is being put in a the place of my life that without him i wouldn't reach my goal..and why do i haf intrest in this thing? why couldn't i be like my fren who loves and haf intrest in studies in designing and so on...why is it the ARTS that i am intrested...why why why..if i am not intrested in this i wounldn't had know him..
haix...I HATE IT...I REALLY HATE IT!!!!!
♥ every page of my imagination